I just wanted to say

thank you all for your comments, they're really appreciated, so much

I'm still feeling a bit strange now after writing all that, and still coming to terms with 'baring my soul' quite so openly like that... even over this relatively anonymous and remote medium!

I dunno, feels weird, at times elated to have got it all down but also uncomfortable that I was so honest... I guess I've just gotten used to hiding things and burying them deep inside me. Not that I'm a usually duplicitous person, just rather private and secretive about issues that affect me personally.

So I feel a bit exposed now!

I don’t know if I’d want any of my friends or colleagues reading this, I guess I just still feel so ashamed by it all though I know I shouldn't :-(

I'm sure it's all part of a healthy process though and your support really helps me along

so thanks again x