Friday 25 September 2009

This is horrible

all this waiting around to hear... I wasn't prepared for the physiological, nevermind psychological effects on me!

when my blackberry vibrates for a new email, every time that little sodding red light winks its eye at me, (which happens very often, not because I'm popular in the slightest, just because I've signed up for so many newsletters on health, exercise, nutrition, sportswear, activities, races etc...!!!) I nearly leap out my skin! My hands go icy cold, my heart starts racing, my head prickles.... plus I find myself holding my breath as I reach for the phone

this isn't healthy!! why am I acting in this manner? I've never been competitive before, particularly as I wasn't a sporty child/teen/young adult etc, so why does it matter so much now?

Is it because I've put myself up there in such a public way. even though I haven't told my friends or family I've basically told the whole wide world if they want to hear/read about it!

I guess I just didn't realise how much I wanted this until now, the final day to hear back from them. Maximuscle say in their entry Ts & Cs that:

"Applicants will be shortlisted for each category and invited to attend a photoshoot. Shortlisted entrants will be notified by Friday 25th September 2009"

BY Friday 25th September.... so people might already have been told before today... today's the cut-off to hear back.

I wish I knew either way, I wish I knew how much competition I was up against, and the calibre, and... more importantly what Maximuscle really 'want' in the person(s) they in essence choose to represent them over the coming year.

Obviously I think I stand a reasonably good chance or I wouldn't have put myself out there would I? I train hard, research hard, eat well, I genuinely love Maximuscle products, as has been noted on here so many times, and I've seen really good results because of all this.

And yet I feel guilty for wanting this! It's not even about the money (although that would obviously be amazing!!), but I do believe in the company and the products I've been taking and, if I dissect this down to its smallest element I think right now I feel like a child worried about being rejected by their parent!!

Which is just ridiculous I know, as I've come so far and done so well to worry about approval from a huge organisation like Maximuscle, but I suppose I'm looking for vindication that my loyalty and efforts have at least been noted? Or am I just this small fish in a very large pond of much more attractive and marketable females?

I just would love so much to make it on the shortlist, to feel like my efforts have been recognised by them, this may sound pathetic I know but then perhaps maybe entering the competition in itself appears ridiculous and narcissistic?

I don't know, I just really really want this and I'm scared by how much, and how rubbish I'm going to feel when I don't hear back from them!

I really wish I could shake MYSELF by the shoulders!


I'm so sorry, I'm going to stop ranting and (attempt to) get on with some work

glad I got it off my chest though

hope you're all well...



  1. I totally know how you are feeling mate, I really am wishing I hadn't bloody entered this thing, it's doing my head in!

    If anyone deserves it the most chick, it's you and if I had to choose one of us to be successful, I would choose you!

    Chin up babe

  2. You -have- come really far and don't -need- approval from a huge organisation, but it'd be kinda cool if you were short-listed. It's only human to get excited about it :o)

    Fingers crossed here that you hear back some good news from Maximuscle today but if you don't, celebrate anyway! Celebrate the progress you've made!

  3. Thanks girls, just feeling a bit deflated now



  4. Ridiculous isn't it?

    I don't think you need to fret that they want someone 'more attractive and marketable' as firstly, why would that NOT be you? Secondly, I've seen a big MM poster in my gym only today that had 2 guys and a girl on it (she's a physio I think and a triathlete) and she isn't mega glam. She has that typical 'sporty' vibe going on.

    I think the whole 'sporty vibe' is why I didn't get into fitness until my early 20s as I don't 'do' washed out, lol!

    At the end of the day, all of us who entered did it primarily as a goal towards which to aim. We've all seen fantastic results-a prize in itself no? At least you don't have to hand back your physique now the competition is over! do you know that you weren't a smidgen off the shortlist & that they debated for hours over picking you? It doesn't mean they weren't impressed by your gains-they would have been!

    Chin up-we've 2010 to work towards ;-) x

  5. GBH, thanks for that comment as it has also helped me immensely. And you are so right! We have our fantastic new physique as our prize and I would rather keep that than win any prize :)